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Return to work anxiety

January 6, 2021

I’ve felt anxious and low for the latter part of last week. It intensified at the weekend. It sort of came out of nowhere and completely zapped my energy. I found it really hard to be optimistic about the year ahead.

I’ve been trying to put my finger on why. I’m putting it down to three things:

  1. anticipating the mode switch (back to work) I was about to go into
  2. straying from self care fundamentals.
  3. the absence of a positive feedback loop

Being able to separate work and personal life is something I’ve worked really hard at. I’ve had a three week break over the holidays. I didn’t check an email or think much about work at all. I allowed myself to wake later, and didn’t try to structure my days and time much at all.

One of the challenges of switching off like this is moving between the modes can be harsh – especially when you take a decent amount of time off.

My mind started racing with all types of unreasonable expectations for work. I have to make the perfect start to the year. I have a responsibility to kick meetings off in a perfect way. I need to nail down a mid term plan for myself by the end of the week. I have to make progress on key projects. I’ve got to quickly set expectations on a bunch of things. etc. etc.

When, actually all I need to do is have more realistic expectations, and some compassion for myself. How about just let myself ease into the week? Talk to people, get some decent thoughts in place for my mid term priorities, and simply make the transition? And then build from there? How about having some trust in myself that I’ll be in a great place with everything at the end of January.

Straying from my self care fundamentals is also massive. For me they are minimising alcohol, getting enough sleep, being active, and eating real food. Three of them were pretty off over the holiday period, so it’s no wonder I was feeling the early signs of a low period. These got addressed from the beginning of this week.

And lastly, the absence of a positive feedback loop. I thrive when I have momentum and I’m able to see the results from my actions. If I go for too long without that, self doubt creeps in. I’m only three days back in, and I can feel it cranking back up again, and I’ll be fine.

What can I learn from this?

Well, the self care fundamentals are entirely in my control. I need to have a better plan for managing them when I go off a schedule. I can’t afford to neglect a few of them over a reasonable period of time. That’s an easy one.

As for the mode transition and positive feedback loop, I think it’s more of a mindset / mindfulness issue. There will always be times when I will take time away from work. I have to get better at being able to manage these transitions.

Simply being aware I’m having these feelings is the first step. Allowing myself to sit with the feelings and to see them for what they are – for the most part, stories in my head that never materialise. And then letting them go. That’s definitely something I can practice.

If you’ve felt anxious or low about returning to work – know that it’s completely reasonable and OK. Have some self compression and give yourself a break. Notice and question unrealistic expectations. And lean into the year – take it one step at a time.


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Filed Under: Mindset, Personal Improvement

Self Care

November 6, 2020

When I was younger, I felt invincible. I partied hard with friends almost every weekend. ‘Sleep is for losers’ I would tell people – ‘I only get 5 hours a night!’

I’d go to bed exhausted on a Sunday evening. But, on Monday I was always in the office at 6.00 am, preparing for the week ahead. And from 09.00am, I was straight into the flow of management meetings and execution.

I felt hungover and tired alot. But, I pushed through it and usually felt OK by Tuesday. I used to be proud that I could get away with burning the candle at both ends. Work hard, play hard right?

As I get older, I realise how badly I looked after myself. I understand how much more important it is to take care of myself now.

I stopped drinking sessions with friends a few years ago. I either don’t go, or I disappear around 10.00pm, so I can avoid a messy night. It’s even a joke amongst my friends now – one minute I’m there, and the next I’m not.

It’s no exaggeration that a drinking session disrupts my life for a month. It’s more than just being tired and hungover. I become anxious, negative and depressed for weeks. I let good habits slip (waking early, being active, eating well etc.). My motivation and confidence at work suffers. It’s just not worth it.

Sleep is also a big thing for me recently. I’ve always been an early riser – getting up at 4.30am. Recently I’ve been tracking my sleep more closely. It’s helped me see the link between sleep, and how I’m feeling.

When I go a number of nights with poor sleep, I’m more anxious and struggle with my mood. I have less energy and have a less optimistic view about life.

Recently I’ve let go of having to rise at 4.30am every day. It’s not sustainable. Well, only if I commit to going to bed at 9.00pm every night. I’m experimenting with varying when I go to bed and get up. Sometimes I’ll still rise at 4.30am, and will go to bed at 9.00pm. But other nights I’ll go to bed later, and will allow myself more sleep – waking up closer to 6.00am or 7.00am.

I’ve talked about alcohol and sleep so far, and that’s intentional. They seem to be the biggest self care factors that influence how I feel. And they are intrinsically linked.

If I have a few drinks, my sleep suffers. I get tired, feel worse, and let good habits slip. So, I feel worse about myself, and am more likely to have a few drinks. It starts a downward spiral that can last for weeks.

It works the other way around too. If I get a few nights of very poor sleep, I get tired. This makes me more likely to make poor decisions, and have a drink. Same cycle – just started in a different order.

I’m at the point now where I might give up alcohol forever. I’ve said this before, and have always slipped back to trying to moderate myself with limits and rules. I have to acknowledge that I have a bad track record of sticking to limits and rules when it comes to alcohol.

I’ve been hearing more, and more about people that have stopped drinking, and never looked back. It’s making me think more seriously about it.

OK, let’s get off alcohol and sleep. There are other things that are also becoming more important to me:

Solitude. Being by myself and thinking. I’ve always been pretty good at getting some quiet time to myself in the mornings. But, I’m starting to think about how I can get longer stretches of time to myself – probably a few days. I think it would allow me some time to decompress – get away from the routines of everyday life and think about things. Maybe even build up to a Bill Gates think week.

Walking is really good for me. It helps me get some time to myself, but it’s bigger than that. There’s something about walking that kick starts my brain to work on problems. I have some of my best ideas or realisations whilst taking a walk. And it’s nice to be outside too.

My relationship with technology is something I’ve always thought alot about. At one point, I even gave up my smartphone for two years. I’m thinking alot about how to limit screen time. I want to do more things like digital sabbaths, and using my Nokia on weekends.

Self care is becoming so important to me, that I’m starting to think about it as one of the key areas for my life (I have a number of these, and I reflect on them as part of my weekly planning process).

If I had a Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs style pyramid for my life, it may well sit at the bottom. It feels like a force multiplier for everything else in my life.


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Filed Under: Health, Personal Improvement

The power of self examination – and how it leads to the best version of yourself

October 20, 2020

Naval Ravikant was back on the Tim Ferriss podcast last week. It was one of the best podcasts I’ve listened to – he totally knocked it out of the park.

The interview is packed with great insights for how to think about life. It’s a must listen.

Naval has a skill of being able to say something, which causes you to pause and go ‘huh?’. I’ve written about this before in Wait, our whole life is just a firefly blinking once in the night? (which I still read a couple of times a month).

I wanted to share part of the podcast where Naval talks about the power of self examination. This really resonated with me. And I’ve since had an insight about it (which I’ll also share below).

Here’s the section:

“Proper meditation – proper examination, should ruin the life that you’re currently living. It should cause you to leave relationships. It should cause you to re-establish boundaries with family members and with colleagues. It should cause you to quit your job. It should cause you to change your eating patterns. It should cause you to spend more time with yourself. It should cause you to change which books you read. It should cause you to change who your friends are. If it doesn’t do that – it’s not real examination. If it doesn’t come attached with instruction of your current life, then you can’t create the new life – in which you will not have the anxiety.”

It’s a very powerful reminder for me on how important it is to spend time working on ourselves.

Working on yourself requires solitude, so you can reflect and think deeply about things. If you don’t have a structure or process that helps facilitate regular self examination – that’s really something to think about. It might be one of the most important things you can do to transform your life.

And that leads me to my insight. I’ve always struggled to give advice on how to build self awareness. I could never quite put my finger on it.

And then I realised that regular self examination is one of the best ways to build self awareness. It forces you to confront things about yourself and your life. Over time, that will train you to become much more self aware, and take action. It’s this flywheel of self examination, self awareness and action that puts you on the path to becoming the best version of yourself.

The more I thought about it, I like to think I have quite a high level of self awareness. And it’s no coincidence that I’ve had a structure of regular self examination for over 15 years now. And it makes sense that this has helped build self awareness over time.

I mentioned last week that I’m shortly going to be launching a 121 coaching program (Get Unstuck) for one or two people. The first part of the program is almost entirely focused on a self examination. This will be transformative in itself. This then becomes the heart of a system taught in the second part, that helps you actually get things (and the right things) done. But, more on all of that soon.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

Daily Habits – My eight month journey

October 18, 2020

I built 80%+ consistency with six health habits, over eight months. Below is my journey over those eight months:

Daily Habits: February 2022 (first month under the belt)

Daily Habits: March 2022 (I have a baseline!)

Daily Habits: April 2022 (this is a game changer!)

Daily Habits: May 2022 (fell short, but still a big step forward)

Daily Habits: June 2022 (oooh, that was close!)

Daily Habits: July 2022 (in a strong place now)

Daily Habits: August 2022 (Uh oh, have I lost it?)

Daily Habits: September 2022 (Whoa, I didn’t expect this!)


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Filed Under: Articles

My new coaching program – Get Unstuck

October 14, 2020

I was helping someone last week who was struggling with their work life balance. They were frustrated and upset.

Work was overpowering everything else in their life. Ironically, it was an intentional (ish) choice for them to double down on their work. It helped distract them from some other things that were going on in their life.

We talked about their priorities at work – and where the boundaries should be between work and the rest of their life. We also talked about what things had to be prioritised either higher, or as high as work. Things like health, a few relationships, a specific issue in their life, and some time to switch off. We talked about strategies to make that happen.

I know exactly what it’s like for work to overpower everything else in your life. I struggled with this for a long time. I felt like a failure for not being able to get any ONE, single area of my life in good shape. I was unhappy and overwhelmed most of the time

All that happens in this scenario, is you slowly (sometimes quickly) move towards a place where things fall apart. You can only neglect other important things in your life for so long – before something breaks. It’s rarely worth it, and sometimes what breaks, is unrepairable.

At some point you have to do the hard work to figure out what’s important in your life. You have to make a commitment to live those priorities. And then you have to figure out a way of organising your life so you can do that.

I finally figured this out a few years ago, and it changed my life. I moved away from being so goal orientated in my life. I let go of being obsessed with my work.

Don’t get me wrong – work will always be a big part of my life. I will always strive to be as effective and impactful as I can be. But, I know where the line is. And I know what else in my life is either more important, or as important than work.

Your priorities are your actions. If you’re spending a lot of time working, and you’re never exercising – then work is your priority and exercise is not a priority. It’s as simple as that.

I’ve been working on a 121 coaching program for the last year or so that will help people solve this exact problem. In fact, I’ve already taken someone through the program, and it’s been transformative for them.

I’m calling the program ‘Get Unstuck’ and am launching it at the end of October. There will only be one or two places to begin with.

This is because I will invest a lot of my time with each person throughout the program. It’s a 121 personalised coaching program that runs over an 8 week period. And there will be as much support as you need between the sessions.

If you struggle to balance a successful career and a life of your own, feel overwhelmed and like you’re failing at EVERYTHING – I guarantee it will be life changing.

If you want to be notified when I’m ready to start working with a couple of people, make sure you’re on my email list. And if you know of someone who might be interested – I would super appreciate it if you would point them in my direction.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

The bizarre, but very effective way I use social media (and a list of really cool people to follow)

October 12, 2020

The Social Dilemma documentary is doing the rounds at the moment. It’s about a bunch of tech executives from Silicon Valley, who highlight the consequences of our growing dependence on social media.

It’s eye opening for many, but nothing new to me. I’ve felt for a very long time that the benefits of using social media are vastly outweighed by the negatives. Over the last few years it’s made me drastically change how I use social media.

But, why do I even use it at all if it’s so bad?

Two reasons. 1. To learn and be inspired by smart people, and 2. to discover content (articles, podcasts, videos etc.). Every week I get some new ideas, and stumble across a handful of articles, videos or podcasts.

This makes me very clear on my use case for social media. I know the exact, and only value I want out of it. I don’t want to keep tabs on what friends and family are doing. I don’t want the news. I don’t want suggestions for things I might like. I don’t want someone else (or an algorithm) deciding what I should see, from who I follow. I don’t want to have discussions with people. I don’t want to see other people having discussions (or arguing).

Over time I’ve gravitated towards an effective way of getting exactly the value I want out of social media – with none of what I don’t want.

Here’s how I do it:

I don’t have any social media accounts. I stopped using facebook entirely about ten years ago. I deleted my Instagram account about a year ago. And I deleted my Twitter account about a month ago.

I have curated a list of people to follow on Instagram and Twitter – twelve people on each (that’s just a coincidence, not a target number!). I chose these people really carefully, based on:

  • They all fit in with my use case. one way or another. I learn, and get ideas from them. I get inspired by them. They share content (articles, videos, podcasts) that I want to see.
  • They post at a frequency that’s easy to keep up with their ideas
  • The ratio of posts that are useful to me is very high.

My curated list of people to follow changes from time to time. Someone might retweet or repost something from someone who looks super interesting. When that happens, I check out their profile and recent posts. I then might decide to add them to the list of people I follow. Sometimes a person I follow will drift outside of the criteria I have (their posts are less useful to me, they post too frequently, or the ratio of posts that are useful to me gets too low). And then I remove them.

Every Sunday, I spend about 30 mins going through the last week’s posts and tweets from my curated list of people. I have two google chrome bookmark folders (one for Instagram and one for Twitter), where I save each person’s profile. It takes just one click to open up each profile in a separate tab (this is important because I bypass the feed). And that’s my 30 min social media fix for the week.

On average I tend to get at least a handful of articles to read. I send these to my kindle to read later using the Send to Kindle for Google Chrome extension. I also stumble across one or two videos / podcasts, which I save to listen to later. And in general, I get exposed to some good ideas via the tweets and posts themselves.

It’s worth noting that saving content to consume later is important. It helps me keep the social media session focused and short. I then  consume the useful content when I am in that mode, and have more time later.

So, in summary. No social media accounts. No feed. A careful curated list of people to follow. 30 mins in total usage per week – in one session. Exposure to a bunch of good ideas, articles, videos and podcasts.

The only exception is Linkedin. I do have an account. I use it strictly to post ideas, links to my articles, and respond to anyone who comments. I resist using the feed for the reasons above (although I get caught sometimes and remind myself why I shouldn’t use it!)

I’ll leave you with a list of the people I keep up with on Instagram and Twitter. They’re all great in their own way:

Twitter:

Mr Money Moustache – rich guy, retired early and living the life he wants

Tim Urban (Wait but Why) – writes and says really interesting stuff

Seth Godin – entrepreneur, best selling author, and marketer

Brandon Stanton (Humans of New York) – writes short, interesting and heartfelt stories about people

Chris Kresser – author, paleo / healthy lifestyle advocate

Brad Stulberg – simple, great self improvement tips

James Clear – best selling author of Atomic Habits

AVC (Fred Wilson) – popular venture capitalist, and all round smart guy

Jason Fried – founder & CEO at Basecamp

Sam Altman – entrepreneur, investor, former president of Y Combinator, CEO of OpenAI

Paul Graham – programmer, writer (one my favourites), investor, and founder of Y Combinator

Chamath Palihapitiya – investor, Chairman of VirginGalactic, Owner @Warriors

Instagram

Jesse Itzler – billionaire entrepreneur, awesome Dad, and living life to the max

Ben Bergeron – Crossfit coach and business owner

David Goggins – ex navy seal and possibly a superhuman

Mat Fraser – fittest man on earth

Amelia Boone – obstacle racing world champion and ultrarunner

Laird Hamilton – big wave surfer

Crossfit Training – training tips from Crossfit

Sevan Matossian – on the CrossFit Media team, and kick ass Dad

Adrian Bozman – Crossfit training guy

Will Smith – small time actor 😉

Jaden Smith – small time actor’s son!

Luka Hocevar – interesting fitness dude and business owner


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

These tweaks made ALL the difference to sticking with a new habit or behaviour.

October 1, 2020

I realised recently that the smallest tweaks can make all the difference to being able to stick with a new habit or behaviour. This has helped me make some big behaviour shifts in my life recently.

The big question is, how do you find those tweaks?

I used to struggle to drink enough water. Some days I managed hardly anything. Other days I managed a litre or so – but it felt like such a huge effort. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been drinking over 3 litres of water everyday – effortlessly.

How did I do that?

A couple of weeks ago, I pushed myself to drink 1.5 litres within the first hour of waking. I did this by drinking two 500ml bottles back to back as soon as I woke. I then filled up the third bottle and drank it over a handful of gulps.

That small tweak made all the difference.

Firstly, it gave me a quick, and huge head start on my 3 litre goal for the day. By building the momentum so quickly, I felt compelled to build on it throughout the day. Secondly, instead of taking sips, I now found myself drinking 500ml bottles in one go. I just got used to doing that. Why drink it over 10+ gulps, when I can just get it done in one go?

I’ve been trying to get my alcohol consumption in the right place for a long time. I’ve tried thirty day resets before – with mixed success. I’ve also tried to put in place some rules to help me moderate alcohol, but they always break down after a while.

Recently I had another go at a 30 day reset. This time, I put up a chart on the wall, and crossed off every day I didn’t drink.

Seeing that chain grow made all the difference. I found it pretty easy to do the 30 days. I really did not want to break the chain, or the momentum I was building.

So much so that I’ve kept doing it. I’m not trying to do another 30 days. I just want to drink infrequently, mostly on special occasions. I like to see one or two weeks of an unbroken chain building up. It’s so simple, and it’s enough to push back the urges to have a glass or two of wine between Thursday and the weekend. It’s not worth breaking the chain for a minor reason.

I’ve always struggled to consistently take my vitamins. I take a multivitamin, Vitamin C, D and fish oil daily. That amounts to thirteen capsules each day (seven at lunch, and six early evening). Most of the time I just end up forgetting to take them at all, or just remember to take half of them at one point in the day. I’ve tried a few different strategies (leaving the vitamin tubs in obvious places, taking them with certain meals etc.) – but nothing worked.

I placed an order a few weeks ago for some more Vitamins, and I noticed they also sold a pill box. It’s a green box with 6 different compartments in it. I added it to my order, because it seemed a convenient way to bring vitamins with me when I travelled. Then one morning, I put my thirteen capsules into two separate sections in the pill box and left it on the kitchen island. I took them at lunch, and before my dinner.

The process of putting them in the pill box in the morning, and seeing it in front of me alot made all the difference. I am now taking my vitamins everyday – and it’s effortless.

It was the same story with the improvements to my daily planning process. Switching from the morning to the previous evening didn’t feel like a big change to me at the time. But, it’s what helped me pushed my consistency through the roof. It also led to me making other improvements that I wouldn’t have made otherwise.

See what I mean? I’ve been able to be consistent with habits I’ve been trying to build for years – and all it took was some small tweaks.

It made me realise that you have to be patient and curious. You have to be open minded and try lots of different approaches. And often it’s something small, that you may only realise in hindsight that can make all the difference to being able to stick with a new habit or behaviour.


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Filed Under: Habits

Some big improvements to my daily planning process

September 22, 2020

Getting things, and getting the right things done. That’s what it all comes down to.

Thinking about the future is super useful. But, at some point you have to organise yourself on a daily basis, and actually get things done.

I have a very specific process for planning my days, and getting things done. It hasn’t changed much over the last few years, and had settled down – or at least I thought it had.

Over the last few months, I’ve made a few changes. They’ve helped take my daily planning and execution to the next level. I wanted to share them.

Here are the four things I’ve changed recently:

1. When I plan my days

I planned my days in the morning for as long as I can remember. It’s been the foundation of my morning routine.

But, what I’ve realised recently is that morning routines need to be more flexible (more on that in another post). Increasingly, I found myself not managing to get my daily plan done in the morning. And this led me to becoming unfocused for the day.

So, I started experimenting with doing it the night before. I’ll sit down at about 9PM, briefly reflect on the day, and then do my plan for the next day. It’s been a bit of a game changer. I’m much more consistent in my daily planning, which was the main problem I was trying to solve. But, there are other benefits. I now go to bed knowing what tomorrow looks like – which is a great feeling. I’ve drifted towards taking a few moments to reflect how the day went. My mornings also no longer have a planning component to them. It’s made them simpler, and more enjoyable.

2. Tracking daily habits better

I have a handful of habits that I pretty much want to do every day. Right now they are:

  • eat paleo
  • Intermittent fasting (8 hour eating window, 16 hour fasting window)
  • consume approx 2K calories
  • drink 3 litres of water
  • reach out to at least one person (friend, colleague, or a new person)

I’ve always found it difficult to incorporate these into a daily plan. They are more behaviours and habits I want to do every day – than they are action items.

I started to jot these habits in short hand at the top right of my daily plan. It helps make a clearer distinction between them and the other action items. That helped me keep them front of mind throughout the day – which is helping me be much more consistent with them. It ‘s also encouraged me to reflect on how well I stuck to these behaviours, as part of my daily planning.

3. Keeping it on paper

I always start my daily planning in my moleskine notebook. And from there, I would use todoist to organise the time blocks and action items for the day. But, I was finding I lost sight of them throughout the day because they were tucked away in my phone. This started to cause me to drift away from my plan throughout the day.

So, I started experimenting with ripping out the daily plan page from my notepad, and keeping it in front of me. When I’m at my desk, it’s right in front of me, When I’m on the move, it’s folded up in my pocket. This has helped keep the plan in front of me throughout the day. I’m now more aware of my plan, and stick to it more often.

4. Combining work and life

I’ve always kept the capture and time blocking part of my daily planning for work and the rest of my life separate. I had a different process for both the capture and time blocking for each.

Over the last few months, I’ve started to combine them a bit. I still start by capturing only life things. But, when I time block out the day, I combine both high level work stuff (meetings, focus blocks etc.) and life stuff. This helps me think about the day holistically, and forces me to think about the balance. I still have some separate process for capture and smaller item planning at work. But, now most of my thinking about the day is combined.

COVID-19 / lockdown pushed me to think this way. Before lockdown came in, I had a big separation between work and life – mostly in the form of leaving the house and going to the office. When this disappeared, I really struggled. But, over time, I found myself thinking more holistically about the day, and this changed how I planned it.

The above four things aren’t massive in themselves. But combined, they add up to a pretty decent step forward in my daily planning, and how I get things done.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

Be where your feet are

September 8, 2020

Try this. Take a breath, and say to yourself – ‘Be where your feet are‘

You’ll find your awareness goes straight to your feet. You should then feel a connection with the ground. And from there, a self awareness and connection with your body.

This will snap you straight into the present moment. A feeling of calm should come over you.

If you were worrying about something, it will probably fall into perspective (most of us spend an enormous amount of mental energy worrying about things we don’t need to, or that will never happen). What’s really important will become a bit clearer.

It should help you spring into the rest of the day with a calmer, clearer, more present mind. At the very least, you’ll shift some worry in that moment, and become more present.

I stumbled across this phrase recently (thanks to this great podcast between Luka Hocevar and Nate Green). I immediately said it to myself and I went through the motions above. I know it feels a bit woo, woo – but it was super effective.

Now I’m on the search for a poster for my home!


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

A simple trick that will give you an unfair advantage over 99% of people at work

August 23, 2020

Here’s a simple trick that will give you an unfair advantage over 99% of people at work.

1. Spend time thinking deeply about the results you want to have over a 6 month period. Think about where you must focus, and what you will need to do to achieve them. Organise your ideas into a concise document.

2. Book a meeting with your manager. Tell them that it’s important for you to make the biggest impact as possible over the next 6 months. Talk them through your plan, and get their feedback and ideas.

3. Send your manager a finalised version of your 6 month plan, incorporating their feedback, and any feedback from your peers. Let them know you are super excited to create the results the company needs, and to have as much impact as possible over the next 6 months.

4. At the beginning of each week, take some quiet time to look at this plan, and plan your week. You have 26 weeks to achieve it. Think of each one as a step forward.

Hardly ANYONE does this.

If you do it, your manager will probably fall off their chair. Firstly, because it shows such a high level of self awareness and intention. And secondly, because it will probably be the first time they’ve seen someone do this.

But, not only that, this will help you be much more focused and effective. I like to think I know how to make an impact at work. I largely put this down to the process of being clear on my priorities (the plan), and then being very focused on them every week (the weekly planning process).

If you’re not doing this, you’re missing a huge opportunity to stand out, and be more effective.

If you need any help in how to approach something like this, get in touch. I’d be happy to help.


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Filed Under: Career

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