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You’re using social media completely wrong

Using social media is a massive net negative for most people. But, it doesn’t have to be.

Social media is addictive, time wasting, distracting, anxiety inducing, [fill in the blanks]. However, the benefits also can’t be ignored. It can help you connect with new people, learn, be inspired, grow a business, build a career, [fill in the blanks].

Here’s the kicker. Social media products are designed to get as much of your attention as possible. This is their singular goal. Your attention is tied to the business model. The longer you spend on them, the more money they make. You ARE the product. Social Media companies have some of the smartest product people and engineers in the world to be the best at getting your attention. You don’t stand a chance against them.

Most people don’t even realise how big a net negative their use of social media is. If you’re a parent, you know. Because at some point your child has enthusiastically wanted to show you something that they really care about – and you’ve told them to ‘wait a minute’ because you’re engrossed with something on Twitter or Instagram that doesn’t matter. I’ve done it, and you’ve done it.

But, there is absolutely a way to use social media to a massive net positive – to have your cake and eat it. You can get all of the benefits, and hardly any of the negatives. But, you have to flip everything on its head.

At the heart of the problem is four things:

  • not knowing why you use social media
  • following people too loosely (linked to the first one)
  • using the feed
  • using it daily

I use social media in a way which negates all of the above things.

Firstly, I know exactly why I use social media. I use it to get ideas, learn and to be inspired. The areas I care about are health and mindset. That’s it. I don’t care what my friends are up to. I don’t care about the news. I don’t care about celebrities. I don’t care about businesses.

If you use social media without a goal (or too broad a goal), you’re going to get completely lost. So, take some time to decide exactly what you want out of it.

Secondly, I don’t ‘follow’ anyone, and I never use the feed:

This is the opposite of the normal user experience of social media products. Following a lot of people and using the feed is at the heart of the addictiveness of these products. Trust me, you have no chance if you use them this way.

Now, the obvious question this brings up is – how the hell do I actually consume content if I don’t follow anyone, or use the feed?

Easy. I bookmark (using my computer) the profiles of people whose content I want to consume. And I categorise them to organise everything:

Here are my high level categories:

Here are the profiles I have bookmarked in my health category:

This leads us to the mistake of following people too loosely. You have to curate these profiles very strictly. Every one of these people consistently produces content that is useful and matches why I want to use social media. I also look for people who have a high ratio of usefulness / number of posts.I don’t want to wade through lots of unuseful posts, to find one useful post – it’s too time consuming. Now and again, a profile will fall outside of my rules (maybe they end up posting more frequently, or I find their posts less useful). When that happens, I remove the bookmark. You have to stay on top of curating the profiles you follow.

Now for the last mistake – using social media daily (or like 50 times a day for most people!). It’s a terrible idea and completely unnecessary. It’s much better to batch everything and have one weekly session. In that weekly session, you consume all content from your curated list of bookmarked profiles.

I set aside an hour at the weekend to review the last week’s worth of social media posts from the profiles I’ve bookmarked. I start by firing up the bookmarks manager in Google Chrome. Then, I head over to my first category folder (Health). I right click it, and choose to open each profile in a different tab. Fourteen tabs immediately pop up – one for each profile. I skim through each one and review the last week of posts. I usually find something interesting or thought provoking for each profile – an idea, something I didn’t know, or something that inspires me. But, at the very least I will come across a handful of very useful posts across all profiles. That makes my hour very easily a net positive.

I’ll give you a real example. I spent about 45 mins yesterday (Sunday) doing my weekly social media check in. One of the things that stood out was this post – Choose Allies Over Comfort. It’s stuck with me since. It got me thinking about my friends and how this principle shows up (and where it doesn’t). This alone is well worth 45 mins of my time.

By using social media like this, you’re much more likely to get value out of the content you consume. You could also easily reduce over fifteen hours of social media usage per week [1] down to one hour. That’s FOURTEEN hours of your life you get back.

Two last tips for you.

Remove all social media apps on your phone. There’s not enough friction between you and the app to avoid the temptation to use it several times a day. Instead, limit your social media usage to your computer, and a time blocked session once per week. After, close the browser, and get on with your life.

If you’re creating and posting content on more than a weekly basis, try and also do it from the computer. Post, and shut the browser. Some apps make this hard (i.e Instagram). I literally delete and re-install instagram on a daily basis to make daily posts and check any replies (I really need to find a better way of doing this!).

[1] Daily time spent on social networking by internet users worldwide from 2012 to 2023

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Daily Habits: Aug 2023 (it’s time for a comeback!)

If you’ve been following my updates, you’ll know that things started to slip in June and July. There were reasons for that (getting a puppy, being sick etc.), but at some point I need to man up and stop the slide and bounce back.

So, my goals for August were to improve sleep, steps and intermittent fasting as close to 80% as I can – whilst maintaining all other habits at 80% +.

Let’s see how that went…..

Well, that didn’t work out very well did it?

Sleep went down. Steps and intermittent fasting stayed about the same. And, protein dipped below 80% for the first time this year! 🤦‍♂️

OK, OK, let’s back up a second before we get too bent out of shape about it. I have some more reasons. 🤔

On reflection, I should have seen this coming. I was still in the last stages of getting better from being sick, so that hit my steps pretty hard. Also, August (along with December) is a month that’s typically very hard to hold onto a routine. I should have adjusted my expectations. We had school holidays, so there was a lot of unusual stuff happening – not to mention I went on three trips for a total of nine days. I was out of my environment for at least a third of the month.

One more reason (it’s the last, I promise!). I’ve changed my fitness goals and am now focused on strength and building muscle. As a result, I’ve started to become more flexible with my intermittent fasting. If I want to get the most out of my weight sessions, they are better done with some food (fuel) in my body. What that means is that I’m choosing not to fast on weight training days (3 days per week), so that’s naturally bringing my average down. That’s fine. There’s no point in being dogmatic on consistency if it doesn’t serve me. For the foreseeable, that means my consistency for intermittent fasting will naturally drop to 55% ish. I’ll find a way of re-thinking this metric in September to better track against my new plan.

So, where does that leave me?

September truly is a month to start the bounce back. It doesn’t need to be green across the board, but I do need to start seeing things shift towards that direction.

So far, I’m tracking towards that!

See you next month!

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Awesome things I’ve recently listening to, read and watched

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. In fact, I wasn’t sure I’d do another. However, I’ve stumbled across some fantastic pieces of content lately, and really wanted to share them.

Death and the Present Moment by Sam Harris (Article | 20 min read)

A transcript from a talk Sam Harris did at the 2012 Global Atheist Convention. I challenge you to read this and not want to make some changes to your life.

I can relate. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to get my head around not being able to do things I used to be able to do – and to instead lean into things that are good for me, based on where I am now.

Yeah, I’m biased at 44, but this is exactly how I feel.

I’ve been using run-walk-run for a while now to get my zone 2 cardio in. It’s a fantastic way to cover longer distances and times, without beating up the body. And it’s the perfect way for anyone to start getting into running.

I’ve been procrastinating on investing in myself recently. This was a nice nudge to not over-think them, and to just go for it.

An inspiring goal to work towards. It’s less about this being the exact way to be, and more about realising the freedom that allows a choice like this.

I’m going through some of this at the moment – my training, morning routine etc. I felt bad at first, but this reminded me that it’s just part of life and to embrace it.

One of the best TV shows I’ve watched in a long time. Gripping from the first to the last episode!

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Seven Common Mistakes That Can Lead to Injury (The Uncommon Life Podcast – E4)

I don’t claim to be an expert on anything. But, if there’s something I have a ton of experience in, it’s getting injured. 😂

If you’re training hard or playing sports, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll run into getting injured at some point – especially as you get older. This week, Luis and I (Rich is on holiday) cover what we feel are seven of the most common mistakes that can lead to injury. And we also share some tips and tricks that have helped us reduce the risk of getting injured ourselves.

Spotify: E4: Seven Common Mistakes That Can Lead to Injury

YouTube: E4: Seven Common Mistakes That Can Lead to Injury

Apple Podcasts: E4: Seven Common Mistakes That Can Lead to Injury

P.S We’re on roughly a weekly cadence with the podcast. I’m thinking about whether I’ll continue to do a post / email for each new one, or if there is a better way to share the episodes (I don’t want to annoy you with too many emails). Of course, the best way to be notified of new episodes is to either subscribe to the YouTube channel, or follow wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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The Uncommon Life Podcast – E3 (Where to start when making health a bigger priority in your life)

We made it to episode three! We have a new intro, improved the sound quality (yeah, Rich got a mic!) AND we managed to keep it under an hour. Win.

Spotify: E3: Where to Start When Making Health a Bigger Priority in Your Life

YouTube: E3: Where to Start When Making Health a Bigger Priority in Your Life

Apple Podcasts: E3: Where to Start When Making Health a Bigger Priority in Your Life

(It’s also available on all other major podcasting platforms)

In episode three, we discuss what might be the best way to start making health a bigger priority in your life.

We know at the beginning it can be hard. You might be overweight. You might be lacking energy. You might be wondering where you’re going to find the time to work out. Perhaps you’re struggling with confidence. You might just not know where to start.

But, there’s always a place you can start. And there’s a bunch of things you can do that will make it easier to take those first steps, and to start to build some consistency towards better health habits.

We hope the episode is useful for helping you to do exactly that. Enjoy!

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I’m rarely present and in the moment (are any of us?)

Sometimes you have to be at the right place in your life to properly hear advice. It’s why people read books for a second and third time. You get something different each time, because you’re in a different place in your life. It’s why someone can give you advice many times, over many years – and then one time it just clicks and you immediately make a change.

I listened to Chris Williamson interview Sam Harris on his Modern Wisdom podcast earlier in the week. It’s a great conversation. About half way through, Chris quoted something Sam said in a public talk. I immediately paused the podcast, and listened to it back. I then googled the transcript so I could read it a few times:

But, as a matter of conscious experience, the reality of your life is always now. And I think that this is a liberating truth about the nature of the human mind. In fact, I think, there’s probably nothing more important to understand about your mind, than that, if you want to be happy in this world. 

The past is a memory; it’s a thought arising in the present. The future is merely anticipated; it is another thought arising now. What we truly have is this moment. And we spend most of our lives forgetting this truth, refuting it, fleeing it, overlooking it.

And the horror is that we succeed. We manage to never really connect with the present moment and find fulfilment there, because we are continually hoping to become happy in the future. And the future never arrives. Even when we think we’re in the present moment, we’re, in very subtle ways, always looking over its shoulder, anticipating what’s coming next. We’re always solving a problem. And it’s possible to simply drop your problem, if only for a moment. And enjoy whatever is true of your life in the present.

The quote from Sam did stir something up in me. Perhaps it was the elegance of how Sam talked about it. Perhaps it was because of where I am in my life – I’m ready to hear it, and act on it. Perhaps the stars needed to align with my subconscious and conscious for it to click with me. Who knows. But, what I do know is that I think it’s going to start a new journey for me.

I thought I did a fairly decent job of not dwelling on the past, or being too fixated on the future. It’s a big part of why I let go of goals in my life, and instead focus on the process and a direction I want to head. But, as I listened to Chris quote Sam, I realised, I have a WAY to go.

This part of the quote particularly resonated with me:

Even when we think we’re in the present moment, we’re, in very subtle ways, always looking over its shoulder, anticipating what’s coming next. We’re always solving a problem.

As I reflect, I realise I still do a lot of thinking about the past and future. Even when I think I’m being present and in the moment, there’s still a lot of internal dialogue pulling me all over the place. Like Sam said, it’s subtle – but it makes all the difference. If I’m truly honest with myself, being present and in the moment is a very fleeting moment for me.

As I was thinking more about this, the first feeling I got was one of frustration and regret. How much time have I wasted? How lame is it that I can’t just settle into the moment and enjoy life? After a while, it turned into thinking about what an opportunity I have in front of me. I have an opportunity to turn the dial from a two out of ten, to a five. And then an eight – maybe even a ten? This could be transformative for me.

So, where do I start?

The first thing that comes to mind is that self awareness is half the battle. This in itself is going to change how I do things, and how I talk to myself.

The second thing that comes to mind is I need to re-explore meditation and listen to more of Sam. So, I’m going to subscribe to his Making Sense Podcast and the Waking Up app (a mix of meditation and mindfulness education). And we’ll go from there. 🙂

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Daily Habits: July 2023 (am I on shaky ground?)

In June, my 6.5 hours sleep and 10K steps habits slipped below 80% (blame it on the puppy!).

I was hoping to tighten these up in July, getting all eight habits back to 80% or over.

Drum roll….

(Click here for the full 18 month journey)




Not only did getting 6.5 hours of sleep and walking 10K steps drop further, but I also fell under 80% for intermittent fasting. On top of that, I also saw a lot more consecutive misses.

I’m not about to panic. As I commented in last month’s update, I can’t expect a perfect run each month. July had a very unusual amount of curve balls, that can help explain why a few oranges are creeping in.

  • Toby the new puppy is still impacting my sleep. He’s waking up very early (although this is slowly getting better) – so my sleeping window is compressed on some days. Also, I haven’t done a great job of getting to bed early when I know I’m on the early shift.
  • I’ve been on-off sick for the last two weeks of July. This made 10K steps more challenging, particularly towards the end of the month (I was pretty much in bed). I also made a conscious decision to give my body more calories and to eat breakfast towards the end of the month. I think that’s what my body needed to recover. The consequence of that was I skipped fasting for five days in a row.

So, yeah, July wasn’t great.

I’ve had to reframe some of my expectations over the last couple of months. When I hit a three month 80%+ streak on all habits in May, I constructed an expectation that anything less than 80% for any habit would be unacceptable going forward. On reflection, that’s not realistic. There will be months where some habits may take a dip. And you know – that’s OK. It doesn’t mean I’ve lost the habit. It just means I’m going through a challenging period that makes 80% consistency difficult for some habits.

Now, that doesn’t mean I can get soft. When I see challenging periods around the corner, I still need to think about sensible ways to mitigate them. And when I’m in the middle of them, I need to try my best to limit the damage. If I happen to fall below 80% in a given month for a habit, I also need to think about what it takes to regroup and build it back to 80% when possible. That’s what real life is about.

And that’s what I will do now. Yes, I’ve taken a step back. But, with the right conditions, I know I can easily build back to 80% across the board very soon.

So, let’s talk about August. My goal is to get 6.5 hours of sleep, walking 10K steps and intermittent fasting upwards, and as close to 80% as I can – whilst maintaining all other habits at 80% +.

I think fasting will be easy. Steps will be difficult because they will continue to take a hit for the first few days of the month as I recover from being sick. Sleep, whilst easier than steps, will still have the whole new puppy thing going on. I also have a few trips planned in August, which may test the consistency here or there (although I am generally pretty good at mitigating against these nowadays).

A fantastic month would be all eight habits at 80%+. But, even if I get intermittent fasting back up to 80% and sleep and steps closer to 80%, that would be a good step forward. If that happened, I could then use September to get back to 80% across the board – as long as I had a clear run at it.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ll take it a month at a time. August is for making some ground up, and taking a step forward.

As usual, see you next month.

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The Uncommon Life Podcast – Episode 2

We’re back with another episode of The Uncommon Life Podcast!

Spotify: E2: Sharing Our Journeys Towards Being in the Best Shape and Health of Our Lives

YouTube: E2: Sharing Our Journeys Towards Being in the Best Shape and Health of Our Lives

In episode two, Rich, Luis and myself talk about each of our journeys towards being in the best shape, and best health of our lives.

We’re active every day, and we train hard most days. We’re very intentional about what we eat to support our goals. And we consistently keep good habits, that help us feel great and be in good health.

But, it hasn’t always been like this. It’s been a journey for each of us, which we’ve had to build towards it. Each of our journeys have been different – as they should be.

YOU have to go on your own journey, and you have to do the work, to build towards being in the best shape and health of YOUR life. And there’s no excuse to not be on that journey. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to those who depend on you.

We at least hope that you can relate to some of our journeys – and that you find them useful for charting your own.

We tried hard to make this episode a bit tighter and shorter. Still a few sound issues, but we’re working on figuring those out for next week. Get a little bit better each week is our motto!

P.S – If you’re enjoying the show, we’d love it if you could leave a rating and review on wherever you are listening to this. It only takes a few seconds, and it’s a great way to support the show.

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Two Years Sober

Well, it arrived. I’m now two years sober!

As with most big changes, they usually happen in phases. These phases are often hard to predict, because each one usually helps to shape the one that follows. Only looking back now, can I connect the dots.

The first few months were difficult. I really missed a glass of red wine in the evening. I also felt awkward when out with friends or colleagues – relying on non-alcoholic beers to soften things. That said, the short-term tradeoff (no hangovers and less anxiety) was so obvious, I was able to push through. At this stage, I wasn’t sure where the journey would end. I hoped I would arrive at a place where I could have a couple of glasses of wine now and again. You know – take it or leave it.

At around six months, things started to get easier. It became more normal to not drink alcohol. Yes, I still missed a glass of red wine, but much less so. I continued to drink non-alcoholic beers to fit in, and it still felt great to be hangover free and to have less anxiety. I remained hopeful that this would help me build a better relationship with alcohol. Maybe then I could introduce it back in less frequently.

Around this time, I also started to build better habits in my life. I didn’t realise it at the time, but being free of alcohol played a part in me starting this. If I was able to change my habits for alcohol, why not a bunch of other stuff that would make me feel better too?

At about the year point, quite a few things clicked. The big one was how important sleep was for my mental and physical health. I was just an all round better person with more sleep – more optimistic, more confident, less anxious, more productive, and happier in myself. I also noticed how much easier it was to be consistent with my new health habits when I was well rested. When I was tired, I was much more likely to skip workouts, eat processed food, drink enough water etc. The light bulb had gone off. I now started to prioritise my sleep much more than ever before. I still consider it the base of the pyramid for self care.

The second thing that clicked was the relationship between alcohol and poor sleep. It’s not like I didn’t already know this. This message had been coming through loud and clear for a while now on some of the podcasts I listen to. [1] [2] [3] And it’s not like I couldn’t see it for myself. Almost every time I had a drink, my Whoop metrics were a mess the following day (if you want a free Whoop and one month free, use this link).

And then it all finally came together. It wasn’t that alcohol was the real problem here. It was that alcohol was causing poor sleep, which in turn threw everything else off. Another light bulb had gone off. Being sober might actually be for good. How can I have something in my life that so obviously disrupts my sleep, and then holds me back so significantly? It’s as if a decision to have a few glasses of wine is choosing to give myself a week’s worth of anxiety and low confidence.

You’ll notice I used the word ‘might’ be for good. I was 90% there. But, I still wanted to believe that there was a way to have my cake and eat it. I wasn’t sure how, but committing to being sober forever felt like a massive decision.

In the last few months, something changed in me. I started to identify and become comfortable with someone who didn’t drink alcohol. Up until this point, I always felt a bit awkward and embarrassed to tell people I didn’t drink. But, now I started to like standing out and being the guy who didn’t drink. I didn’t care at all what anyone else thought about it. I liked what it stood for. I liked that it showed a level of discipline and commitment that was uncommon. It showed I was in control of my life. I had decided to put something that wasn’t good for me in a box and throw away the key.

And that’s where I find myself today. Two years sober, and convinced I’ll never drink again. I’m a much, much better version of myself without it – why would I go back?

I’ll leave you with this clip of Steve-O (from Jackass). I haven’t seen anyone else so elegantly describe why giving up alcohol can be so powerful. His take on ‘kind of having alcoholism’ is so perfect. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to give up. You might just want to release the handbrake and starting living life to the full.

Notes:

[1] Alcohol: Kristen Holmes and Emily Capodilupo break down everything you need to know about how alcohol impacts your sleep, recovery and performance.

[2] Peter Attia discusses the impact of alcohol on health, particularly on sleep and the risk of neurodegenerative diseases.

[3] Matt Walker explains how alcohol affects the quality of sleep.

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I started a Podcast – The Uncommon Life

This has been a fun project to bring together. But, why start a podcast?

A couple of reasons:

  1. Writing is my comfort zone. Always has been. I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and start doing some audio and video. It’s going to force me to be a better talker.
  2. Getting out of my comfort zone is one thing – but, I didn’t want to do audio and video for the sake of it. I needed a topic and format I was really into. So, I sat on it for a while, waiting to get excited about something.

Over the last few months I’ve been having more conversations with my friends Rich and Luis on everything health, training, nutrition and discipline. All three of us live a very disciplined and healthy lifestyle. We’re very active and train hard. We eat in a very specific way to be in good health and achieve our goals. We’re all in the best shape and health of our lives because of it.

So, taking this conversation into a podcast felt very natural. It’s fun for us, and I think it can be very helpful for others – no matter where you are on the journey of health, fitness and discipline.

Here’s the first episode of The Uncommon Life – E1: Our Goals & Nutritional Approach (Including the Carrot Hack & Cheat Porridge!):

(Watch it on YouTube)

Watch / Listen on Spotify – E1: Our Goals & Nutritional Approach (Including the Carrot Hack & Cheat Porridge!)

Listen on Apple Podcasts – E1: Our Goals & Nutritional Approach (Including the Carrot Hack & Cheat Porridge!)

We’re not trying to be over-polished with this. We have a bias towards putting out episodes and improving as we go along. So, expect the odd sound and wifi issue. Doorbell interruptions too!

I hope you enjoy it and find it useful. If so, please follow (you’ll get notified of new episodes) and rate the show on Spotify and YouTube. And any feedback at all is super welcomed.

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