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Personal Improvement

I’m rarely present and in the moment (are any of us?)

August 11, 2023

Sometimes you have to be at the right place in your life to properly hear advice. It’s why people read books for a second and third time. You get something different each time, because you’re in a different place in your life. It’s why someone can give you advice many times, over many years – and then one time it just clicks and you immediately make a change.

I listened to Chris Williamson interview Sam Harris on his Modern Wisdom podcast earlier in the week. It’s a great conversation. About half way through, Chris quoted something Sam said in a public talk. I immediately paused the podcast, and listened to it back. I then googled the transcript so I could read it a few times:

But, as a matter of conscious experience, the reality of your life is always now. And I think that this is a liberating truth about the nature of the human mind. In fact, I think, there’s probably nothing more important to understand about your mind, than that, if you want to be happy in this world. 

The past is a memory; it’s a thought arising in the present. The future is merely anticipated; it is another thought arising now. What we truly have is this moment. And we spend most of our lives forgetting this truth, refuting it, fleeing it, overlooking it.

And the horror is that we succeed. We manage to never really connect with the present moment and find fulfilment there, because we are continually hoping to become happy in the future. And the future never arrives. Even when we think we’re in the present moment, we’re, in very subtle ways, always looking over its shoulder, anticipating what’s coming next. We’re always solving a problem. And it’s possible to simply drop your problem, if only for a moment. And enjoy whatever is true of your life in the present.

The quote from Sam did stir something up in me. Perhaps it was the elegance of how Sam talked about it. Perhaps it was because of where I am in my life – I’m ready to hear it, and act on it. Perhaps the stars needed to align with my subconscious and conscious for it to click with me. Who knows. But, what I do know is that I think it’s going to start a new journey for me.

I thought I did a fairly decent job of not dwelling on the past, or being too fixated on the future. It’s a big part of why I let go of goals in my life, and instead focus on the process and a direction I want to head. But, as I listened to Chris quote Sam, I realised, I have a WAY to go.

This part of the quote particularly resonated with me:

Even when we think we’re in the present moment, we’re, in very subtle ways, always looking over its shoulder, anticipating what’s coming next. We’re always solving a problem.

As I reflect, I realise I still do a lot of thinking about the past and future. Even when I think I’m being present and in the moment, there’s still a lot of internal dialogue pulling me all over the place. Like Sam said, it’s subtle – but it makes all the difference. If I’m truly honest with myself, being present and in the moment is a very fleeting moment for me.

As I was thinking more about this, the first feeling I got was one of frustration and regret. How much time have I wasted? How lame is it that I can’t just settle into the moment and enjoy life? After a while, it turned into thinking about what an opportunity I have in front of me. I have an opportunity to turn the dial from a two out of ten, to a five. And then an eight – maybe even a ten? This could be transformative for me.

So, where do I start?

The first thing that comes to mind is that self awareness is half the battle. This in itself is going to change how I do things, and how I talk to myself.

The second thing that comes to mind is I need to re-explore meditation and listen to more of Sam. So, I’m going to subscribe to his Making Sense Podcast and the Waking Up app (a mix of meditation and mindfulness education). And we’ll go from there. 🙂


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

Two Years Sober

July 25, 2023

Well, it arrived. I’m now two years sober!

As with most big changes, they usually happen in phases. These phases are often hard to predict, because each one usually helps to shape the one that follows. Only looking back now, can I connect the dots.

The first few months were difficult. I really missed a glass of red wine in the evening. I also felt awkward when out with friends or colleagues – relying on non-alcoholic beers to soften things. That said, the short-term tradeoff (no hangovers and less anxiety) was so obvious, I was able to push through. At this stage, I wasn’t sure where the journey would end. I hoped I would arrive at a place where I could have a couple of glasses of wine now and again. You know – take it or leave it.

At around six months, things started to get easier. It became more normal to not drink alcohol. Yes, I still missed a glass of red wine, but much less so. I continued to drink non-alcoholic beers to fit in, and it still felt great to be hangover free and to have less anxiety. I remained hopeful that this would help me build a better relationship with alcohol. Maybe then I could introduce it back in less frequently.

Around this time, I also started to build better habits in my life. I didn’t realise it at the time, but being free of alcohol played a part in me starting this. If I was able to change my habits for alcohol, why not a bunch of other stuff that would make me feel better too?

At about the year point, quite a few things clicked. The big one was how important sleep was for my mental and physical health. I was just an all round better person with more sleep – more optimistic, more confident, less anxious, more productive, and happier in myself. I also noticed how much easier it was to be consistent with my new health habits when I was well rested. When I was tired, I was much more likely to skip workouts, eat processed food, drink enough water etc. The light bulb had gone off. I now started to prioritise my sleep much more than ever before. I still consider it the base of the pyramid for self care.

The second thing that clicked was the relationship between alcohol and poor sleep. It’s not like I didn’t already know this. This message had been coming through loud and clear for a while now on some of the podcasts I listen to. [1] [2] [3] And it’s not like I couldn’t see it for myself. Almost every time I had a drink, my Whoop metrics were a mess the following day (if you want a free Whoop and one month free, use this link).

And then it all finally came together. It wasn’t that alcohol was the real problem here. It was that alcohol was causing poor sleep, which in turn threw everything else off. Another light bulb had gone off. Being sober might actually be for good. How can I have something in my life that so obviously disrupts my sleep, and then holds me back so significantly? It’s as if a decision to have a few glasses of wine is choosing to give myself a week’s worth of anxiety and low confidence.

You’ll notice I used the word ‘might’ be for good. I was 90% there. But, I still wanted to believe that there was a way to have my cake and eat it. I wasn’t sure how, but committing to being sober forever felt like a massive decision.

In the last few months, something changed in me. I started to identify and become comfortable with someone who didn’t drink alcohol. Up until this point, I always felt a bit awkward and embarrassed to tell people I didn’t drink. But, now I started to like standing out and being the guy who didn’t drink. I didn’t care at all what anyone else thought about it. I liked what it stood for. I liked that it showed a level of discipline and commitment that was uncommon. It showed I was in control of my life. I had decided to put something that wasn’t good for me in a box and throw away the key.

And that’s where I find myself today. Two years sober, and convinced I’ll never drink again. I’m a much, much better version of myself without it – why would I go back?

I’ll leave you with this clip of Steve-O (from Jackass). I haven’t seen anyone else so elegantly describe why giving up alcohol can be so powerful. His take on ‘kind of having alcoholism’ is so perfect. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to give up. You might just want to release the handbrake and starting living life to the full.

Notes:

[1] Alcohol: Kristen Holmes and Emily Capodilupo break down everything you need to know about how alcohol impacts your sleep, recovery and performance.

[2] Peter Attia discusses the impact of alcohol on health, particularly on sleep and the risk of neurodegenerative diseases.

[3] Matt Walker explains how alcohol affects the quality of sleep.


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Filed Under: Health, Personal Improvement

It’s a beautiful thing, when you start to like the person you’re becoming

July 13, 2023

If you know me or my writing, you’ll know that I struggle with confidence. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember.

There’s often some type of self doubt, anxiety, or imposter syndrome hovering around me. Even when I’m at my highest, I feel a black cloud in the background. I can be in the zone and feeling super capable one minute – only to feel like a complete fraud the next.

So far, I’ve relied on two strategies to keep this somewhat under control:

1. I’m an ambitious person. So, I will push myself, and then momentum tends to shove me forward. This has helped me gravitate to senior roles in companies. I’ve founded my own company. I write in public. I’m starting a podcast. I would like to launch a habit coaching course in the future. My ambition gets me started, and then I simply have no choice but to push the self doubt down and power through. It can be exhausting. But it’s better than the alternative – to be paralysed by self doubt.

2. I’ve invested a lot of time trying to find things that can help me be more confident. Reading books. Listening to podcasts. Taking courses. Gratitude. Meditation. Hypnotherapy. Coaching. Journalling. Surrounding myself with people who inspire me and lift me up. Some of it has been helpful. But, if I’m honest, even what’s been helpful, only eased things temporarily.

I was surprised by some internal dialogue the other day:

‘It’s a beautiful thing, when you start to like the person you’re becoming’

This feeling has been growing in me recently. I’m really starting to like the person I’m becoming. I’m becoming comfortable in my own skin. I’ve never genuinely felt like this before.

And then it hit me. More often than not, I’m confident and optimistic. In fact, so far this year, I can’t even remember a particular episode of self doubt or imposter syndrome. There have only been a few periods of low mood. But, I can track that to a lack of sleep, which I was able to correct.

So, how on earth did this sneak up on me?

And then it hit me again, this was the start of it. Eighteen months ago, I started a journey of building a set of rock solid habits in my life. This slowly grew into eight health habits I’m now very consistent with. Building these habits has had a gigantic impact on how I feel about myself.

Giving up alcohol was massive (I’m nearly two years sober). I struggled with what to do about alcohol for a long time. Finally deciding I will never have a drink again has been so impactful for my mental and physical health. It’s been truly liberating.

Giving up alcohol also highlighted how important sleep is for me. I first realised this when one morning I woke up feeling hungover and anxious. I noticed I had a few nights of very poor sleep. I forced a huge sleep that night and felt so much better the next day. My anxiety was gone. Huh? Maybe it wasn’t so much the alcohol that was causing my anxiety – but the impact it had on my sleep [1]. Improving my sleep has been a complete game changer for me. As it improved, I noticed everything else got easier.

And then you have all the other habits, Prioritising protein. Fasting. Limiting caffeine. Drinking plenty of water. Walking a lot. All of the eight health habits I’ve built, play a part in how much better I feel about myself now. And, cumulatively, they pack a huge punch.

But, it goes beyond just packing a big punch. It’s the person I’ve now become by holding myself accountable to these eight habits. I’ve become a man of discipline. Someone who is taking personal responsibility for how I want to live my life. Someone who consistently delays short term gratification, because I value the bigger picture more. Someone who does what they say. I’m not trying to be someone like this (like I did for most of my adult life) – I’m this person FOR REAL. I’m really doing it. This has made me feel very differently about myself. I’m proud of creating a much better version of myself.

Whilst the habits started it all off, I couldn’t have predicted what would happen next. As I became a more disciplined person, and as my confidence grew, a switch flipped in me. It happened about six months ago. I started to make some other changes in my life that I wasn’t able to make before.

I became more dedicated with my training. I started to invest in longer warm ups. I became more consistent with my cool downs. I was more focused in each training session. I added an extra few hours of zone two training into my program. It’s now incredibly easy for me to be active every day and to total about 10+ hours a week of training.

I started to take my nutrition far more seriously. I began tracking and controlling my food intake very consistently. I took my clean vs. unclean food ratio from something like 50/50, to now easily 80 / 20. I started to eat more protein. I’m now easily averaging 180 grams per day – compared to finding it very hard to hit 120 grams per day.

I struggled for many years trying to build this type of discipline in my training and nutrition. Yet, in 6 months I was able to break through it all. I can’t emphasise how much of a transformation it’s been for me to take my training and nutrition to a whole new level. I’m in the greatest shape and health of my life. Feeling comfortable in your own skin (literally) is an incredible feeling. Not to mention, pushing yourself hard has a very direct and positive impact on your mood.

The changes I’ve seen in myself aren’t contained to health and fitness. It started there, but then expanded into other areas of my life. I’m more secure and confident in my relationships. I’m more confident and composed at work. I’m starting to spin up some personal projects (podcast coming soon!). I’m genuinely much more optimistic about the future.

And you know what? It still feels like I’m so early on this journey. It feels like the handbrake only really came off six months ago. The best is yet to come.

This all sounds peachy right? Look. I’m not naive. I know life is going to throw some curveballs my way in the future. And it’s not like all of this was a particularly conscious plan. I actually didn’t see it coming. But, goddamn does it feel good to have a stronger foundation of confidence and optimism. So for now, I’m just going to be grateful for the switch that was flipped and hold onto it.

So, what’s the lesson in all of this?

If you’re struggling with confidence, self doubt, anxiety, or imposter syndrome – I would suggest avoiding the hacks. The hacks can be quite useful as optimisation, but only after you’ve solved the root cause. In themselves, they aren’t going to get to the root cause.

My brother Joseph helps people with confidence and imposter syndrome. In his course, he uses the Why technique [2] to help people get to the root cause of their anxiety. And every single time, without fail, it comes back down to this:

I’m not good enough.

So, go back to basics and work on yourself. Be relentless about it. Make it your number one priority. Build a set of self care and health habits that stick. Give yourself the time to do it properly (it took me 18 months). Build yourself into someone you like and are proud of. Start to feel good enough. And then watch what happens from there.

Notes:

[1] In episode #31 of the Huberman Lab Podcast, Dr. Matthew Walker and Andrew Huberman discuss how alcohol fragments sleep, reduces REM sleep, and can lead to emotional sensitivity. Link to specific segment here.

[2] An explanation of the ‘five whys’ technique here. By the way, it doesn’t have to be contained to five whys, and may often take more to get to the root cause of a problem.


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Filed Under: Discipline, Personal Improvement

Why you HAVE to be consuming podcasts and videos

September 28, 2022

I’ve been consuming podcasts and videos more than I’ve been reading for a few years now.

It’s a change I’ve been feeling increasingly uncomfortable about. Reading books has impacted my life in a big way – yet here I am reading significantly less. Podcasts and videos feel like a shallower version of reading – yet I’m consuming them alot (probably 10-15 hours a week).

I’ve come to realise that podcasts and videos can be incredibly powerful though – just in a different way to books.

I find podcasts more tactical. They often inspire me to make immediate changes in my life. This type of immediate change helps me iterate on my behaviours and habits regularly.

I find books are generally more useful for understanding broader themes. These themes tend to shift my thinking at a macro level, but in a much slower way. If an idea or a theme clicks for me in a book, it’s like a seed has been planted. And then over time, this helps to change or inform new beliefs – which then leads to an actual shift in how I live my life.

Here are a few examples of how podcasts and videos have helped me make immediate, tactical changes in my life recently:

The Foot Ability Protocol by Ben Patrick (Kneesovertoesguy)

I’ve been aware of Ben Patrick for a while. I watched his interview with Joe Rogan. Since then, I’ve kept up with him on Instagram and YouTube. I also bought his Knee Ability Zero book. That said, I hadn’t yet incorporated any of his ideas into my training.

His recent video The Foot Ability Protocol got my attention. He shared a very simple routine that includes the foundational exercises he often recommends for good foot and knee health.

This felt like something really easy I could fold into my training once or twice a week, and would be very beneficial to do. And I’ve done exactly that. Eventually. I’m going to buy a drag sled so I can add some extra stimulus for backward walking.

1870 – Max Lugavere – The Joe Rogan Experience

The Max Lugavere interview with Joe Rogan is possibly one of the best well rounded conversations on metabolic health I’ve listened to. It inspired a few immediate changes in my health habits.

Joe and Max talk about the benefits of the sauna and cold exposure and Joe’s sauna and cold routine.

  • Sauna: 20 mins
  • Cold plunge: 3 mins
  • Sauna: 20 mins
  • Cold plunge: 3 mins

Always starting with the sauna, and ending with cold.

The benefits of hot and cold exposure aren’t new to me. I just haven’t found a way to incorporate it into my life. And then it clicked. My local outdoor swimming pool has a sauna. If I were to use that, I could then use the pool for cold exposure (it’s currently 15 degrees celsius, and gets down to 4 degrees celsius in the winter). It’s a perfect way to get cold and heat exposure.

Four days later, I turned up at the swimming pool at 7.30AM on a Sunday morning. I did the above routine and it felt amazing. It was such a nice way to start the day. I plan to do this at least once a week going forward.

Joe and Max also talked about oral hygiene (benefits of flossing and concerns around fluoride and mouthwash). This caused me to stop using mouthwash and start using a fluoride free toothpaste. I also intend to start flossing each night too.

The conversation around dairy fats is also well timed, as I’m currently re-evaluating my diet. I’m already starting to be more flexible in incorporating some cheese, milk and greek yoghurt into my diet.

Metabolic Flexibility and Longevity by Crossfit Health

I’ve been doing time-restricted fasting for many years. I keep to an 8 hour eating window and a 16 hour fasting window, which I achieve by skipping breakfast. I have my first meal of the day around 13.00 / 14.00 and almost always train before that in a fasted state.

I am very inflexible on this. That’s because once I start eating, my appetite starts to ramp up and I end up feeling the temptation to snack and graze throughout the day (and often do!). By skipping breakfast I am essentially pushing this out. I also love the efficiency of not having to think about food until the afternoon.

However, the panel in the video defines metabolic flexibility as ‘being able to optimally switch from one fuel source (carbs, fat etc.) to another’. Essentially you want your body to be able to cope and be efficient with various states of training and fasting. When you do one thing all the time (i.e skip breakfast and train fasted), your body only gets very good at doing that.

It made me realise that I need a bit more variation if I want my body to be metabolically flexible. I’ve already started to add some variation into my fasting and have done a couple of unfasted training sessions. As I suspected, it didn’t feel great – a sign that I probably have some work to do to be more metabolically flexible.

The above are just three examples of how podcasts and videos have helped me change some of my habits and behaviours for the better.

We literally have access to some of the smartest people on ANY topic you can imagine – and for FREE. If you’re not consuming podcasts and videos regularly, you really are missing out on opportunities to be inspired and better educated – and to become the best version of yourself.

A final tip. You must become a good curator of the podcast and video channels you subscribe to. You have to really care about your information diet and be willing to put in the effort to have it serve you. It’s SO easy for podcast and YouTube feeds to become noisy and overwhelming. I might write up some ideas for how to do that well in a future post.


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Filed Under: Health, Personal Improvement

How to solve hard problems (and how to get good at it)

September 11, 2022

Being good at solving problems is one of the most valuable skills you can build.

It helps you think through and make good decisions in your life. You can help friends with their problems. You’ll also be able to help companies save a lot of time and money – making you very valuable to them.

But, how do you get good at solving problems?

That’s something I’ve always struggled to give advice on. I like to think I’m a good problem solver. But, I haven’t been able to think about it in a systematic way that can lead to pragmatic advice – until recently.

There are two parts to it – how to solve a problem and how to get good at it.

Let’s take the how first. Solving a problem seems to go through three main phases:

How to solve a problem

1. Becoming aware of a problem

This is your starting point. You become aware of a problem through directly experiencing one, or seeing others struggle with one.

You’ll likely start to have some ideas for what’s causing the problem, and how to solve it. Almost always, you’ll be tempted to act fast. But, one of the most common mistakes is to come to a conclusion too quickly. This is what causes people to solve symptoms, instead of getting to the root causes of a problem. Don’t do that. Discipline and patience are key for this stage.

Push away the noise and look at the situation calmly. Sit back and organise your ideas for what the problem is, what is causing it and how you might solve it. You’ll have specific ideas, as well as some areas that need exploring further. A list of people you want to speak with. Research you need to do. Start to organise your ideas and pull together a high level plan of how you intend to dig in further.

2. Working through the problem

This is where the real work gets done.

Start talking to people. Look at things more deeply. Do any research that’s needed. Start working it all out.

The biggest thing to remember at this stage is that you have to keep an open mind. This quote by Paul Graham sums it up well:

“expect 80% of the ideas in an essay to happen after you start writing it, and 50% of those you start with to be wrong”

He was talking about writing (which lets face it – is problem solving), but the same applies for problem solving. It’s natural to have an early instinct for what the root cause is and how to solve it. In fact, the better you get at solving problems, the easier it is to see what’s happening. That’s fine, and your instincts might be right. But, you want to avoid simply building a case around your instincts. Try and keep your early instinct to one side and let things unfold how they need to.

I’ll warn you now, working through a problem can be painstaking and frustrating work. You will find yourself lost at some points, wondering if you can ever bring things to a close. Sometimes you’ll question whether you can get everyone onto the same page for what is wrong. It can be a messy process. But, don’t give up. Push through it.

Eventually, some themes will start to stand out. The root causes will become clearer. You’ll also start to see which things are only symptoms. You’ll have specific ideas for solutions. Let these ideas unfold and slowly start to organise your ideas. I find it useful to start writing a document so you can lay them out and organise them well.

Keep talking to people as your clarity builds. If you’re on the right track, this will all start resonating with people in your discussions.

At some point, you’ll experience a moment of clarity where everything will start to feel directionally correct.

3. Strip it back and find elegance

You should now have a strong sense of the root causes, solutions and have identified what are only symptoms. Almost always, what you have is too complicated.

You now have to fight to strip it back to something which is simple and elegant. It’s the 80/20 principle. That is, 80% of results are driven by 20% of effort.

Perhaps you have three root causes, but it’s two – or even just one, that really counts. Perhaps you have five different solutions to a root cause, but two of them squarely solve it. The other three are icing on the cake and will probably distract from the two that really count.

Simplify. Strip back. Edit. You want to finally look at what you have and be proud of how simple and elegant it is – almost a work of art.

Ideally you’ll end up with four things:

  1. problem
  2. succinct root cause(s)
  3. clear solution(s) to the root causes
  4. symptoms / other considerations & notes

The first three are obvious. It’s worth giving a bit of context for why you should also have some thoughts around symptoms and other considerations. Solving a problem is never as clean as identifying the root cause and solution, and then everyone agrees. There are often a bunch of symptoms which people are convinced are the actual root cause. In some cases, there are also other root causes which are tangential. You should acknowledge these if you want others to accept your root cause analysis.

Below is a slide I actually used as part of a presentation to an Executive team:

I covered the root causes and solutions first, and then finished with symptoms and other problems to be aware of. BUT, with a clear warning that they should not fall into the trap of becoming distracted by them. If you do this right, you’ll find people will be able to compartmentalise these from the real root causes. It will also strengthen the buy in for your your root cause analysis.

How to get good at solving problems

How to solve a problem is one thing, but how do you actually get good at it?

The answer is straight forward. You have to get the reps in. Like everything in life you want to be good at – you have to repeatedly practice it. There are no short cuts or hacks.

The more you expose yourself to hard problem solving, the better you will get at it. Force yourself to go through the three phases, time and time again. Eventually, it will feel the natural way of going about things.

Something I only realised in writing this article is that my time at Jagex was a university in problem solving. I was just starting my career and was thrown entirely into the deep end. I was helping to run a game and company that was in the beginning stages of exponential growth. Everything I was doing was for the first time. I was constantly solving problems around people and processes. I made lots of mistakes, but gradually began to get very good at solving problems. Jagex forced me to get the reps in.

What if you don’t get a lot of hard problems in your life or work? Well, I don’t think that’s true for most people. Problems are all around us, in all sorts of shapes and sizes. You simply have to notice them.

Here are some examples of how to see more problem solving in your life:

  • Whatever you’re trying to do in your life, make an effort to explore it deeply. Don’t be lazy and stay at the surface level. For example, perhaps you’re wondering about how you can eat healthier? Make it your mission to build a real point of view. Follow lots of experts, listen to podcasts and read many articles. Drag out the common themes and put together a first version of something to try that’s built around a solid amount of research.
  • Do you have something you need to explain to someone? Instead of doing it on the fly, sit down and write it out. Think through how you want to say it – exactly what, in what order, what do you want to finish with?
  • Do you have an important email to send? Don’t just write it and send it. Write a first draft. Leave it a day. Come back to it and re-write it. Edit it down to something that you’re really proud of. Share it with some colleagues and ask for their feedback. Edit again, based on the feedback. Really make it the best it can be.
  • If you need to buy something, don’t make a surface level buying decision. Dig deep and research it. Look at all the options. Whittle it down into a well researched decision. My friend Barry finds it amusing how long it takes me to make a buying decision. That’s because I treat it like I’m solving a problem.
  • Have a side project. It’ll force you to explore and decide all types of things.
  • Start writing and sharing your ideas in public – it’s a brilliant way to build a point of view on something. It forces you to think, research, organise your ideas and edit them back to something which is elegant.
  • Invest. If you don’t think deeply around your strategy for investing, you’ll become unstuck quickly.

If you can stay aware of the three phases and force yourself through them enough times, you WILL get good at solving problems. And soon enough, it becomes the natural way of thinking about things and making decisions.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

How to expand your point of view

October 12, 2021

I recently wrote about how to build a strong point of view. I used a few examples – one of which was investing.

Here’s what I said:

​​A good example of this, is my own investing strategy. I used to only invest in passive index funds. Over the last year or so I’ve been listening to people who are taking more risk. I’ve experimented a bit in this space and have decided I want to take on a bit more risk.

So, I’m transitioning to investing 80% in indexes and 20% in a handful of public companies with a long-term view. The foundations of my point of view are still there (I’m still mostly investing in indexes). But, how much risk I’m willing to take has changed and this ended up shifting my point of view and strategy for how I invest.

I ended up taking this a step further and re-allocating as:

  • Indexes – 70%
  • Specific public companies – 17%
  • Cryptocurrency – 13%

Five months in, I’ve decided to mostly revert back to how I was before.

Why? Two main reasons.. 

Firstly, the specific public companies basket has significantly under-performed the market in the last five months:

  • S&P 500: +12.34%
  • Specific public companies: +5.05%

Now, it’s only five months and I should allow a longer time to compare performance. However, one of the reasons I went for passive index funds in the first place was because the data tells us that over 85% of actively managed funds underperform the S&P 500. When I look at my specific public companies basket, it’s one or two poorly performing stocks that are pulling the entire performance down. This highlights the power of diversification (i.e owning an S&P 500 index fund). It also puts into perspective the challenge of trying to beat the market.

Secondly, the specific companies basket is distracting. Ideally I would rarely look at it, but I’m finding that very hard. Now that I have a goal to beat the market, I find myself comparing against it regularly. Also, I have a gut feeling that trying to beat the market is a flawed strategy (because of the first reason). I therefore find myself worrying about my decision to try and do that. Overall, I’ve managed to bring a whole new emotional factor into play, which you don’t get with passive index investing. 

The exception is cryptocurrency. I think about it differently to the specific public companies basket. I feel like there’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to get returns that far exceed the market. Therefore it feels much more speculative. It might very well lose half or even most of its value. That’s a risk I’ve come to terms with and it changes how I think about it, and how often I check it. 

So, I’m switching to:

  • Indexes – 87%
  • Cryptocurrency – 13%

This makes me feel much better.

Even though I’ve gone back and forth a bit, it was a useful exercise. It reminded me that even when you have a pretty solid point of view around something, you need to stay open minded and curious. You need to experiment and evolve. Sometimes that will refine your point of view, or perhaps even take you in a different direction. And other times, you might find yourself reverting back – which is still useful as a learning experience. Importantly, if you don’t take those chances, you just get stale.


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Filed Under: Money, Personal Improvement

You already know what to do

September 26, 2021

I recently had a blood test that checked for 45 biomarkers. The results were mostly in the recommended normal range – and certainly the ones that matter the most were in a good place.

I don’t want to be normal though. I want to know what my northstar biomarkers are and then what levels for optimal health.

I’ve started my research on that. As with everything, it’s complicated to wade through everyone’s opinions and find reliable sources. I started to get overwhelmed and a bit lost in it – slightly slipping into perfectionism.

And then it hit me. Sure, this is important work and I’ll nail it eventually. When I do, I’ll have the certainty about on exactly where I am and what I need to focus on. But, what am I really trying to achieve here? It’s to understand what actions I can take to improve my metabolic health the most. And in reality, I already know that.

What makes the biggest difference to being in the best metabolic health? Diet. And where do I have the most room for improvement with my health habits? Yep, diet. I don’t need to finish my work on the biomarkers to know that improvements to my diet is the most meaningful thing I can do to improve my metabolic health.

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed by something, try and take a step back. Theres a good chance you’re getting in your own way. And there’s an even better chance you already know what to do.

So, that’s my big focus next week. More paleo and stricter intermittent fasting.


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Filed Under: Health, Personal Improvement

Learning from failure

September 24, 2021

I’m not a big fan of the ‘embrace failure’ movement. I’d rather get things right. But, I was reminded this morning that there are valuable lessons in failing at something. It’s how you regroup and come back stronger that counts.

Last week, I attacked this workout:

Every 3 minutes, perform:

  • 2 wall walks
  • 4 burpee pull ups
  • 6 push press @ 40KG
  • 8 front squats @ 40KG

Complete 6 rounds (18 mins total)

It was a car crash. I ran out of time on some sets. I ended up scaling the front squats back to 6 reps. I also decided to call it a day after 5 rounds, and then changed my mind and did the 6th set slowly with a full minute of rest before. My form got increasingly sloppy as the rounds went on and my times were inconsistent. I felt beat up afterwards!

Now, the programming was too ambitious for sure. But, I also under-estimated it and got my strategy wrong with pacing and transitioning between the movements.

This morning I approached it again with the weight, volume and time scaled back a bit.

Every 4 minutes, perform:

2 wall walks
4 burpee pull ups
6 push press @ 30KG
8 front squats @ 30KG

Complete 5 rounds (20 mins total)

I thought alot about why I struggled the first time around and made some changes. I completely smashed it.

I finished the first two rounds in 2.30 mins, giving me 90 secs to regroup between rounds. I finished the third and fourth rounds in 2.15 mins and the last round in 2.05 mins. That’s exactly what you want – consistent rounds to start with and then a strong finish. I had a much better mindset from the first second. My form was also really good throughout and my strategy for pacing and transitioning between movements was spot on.

Whilst last week’s failure felt crappy, it felt great to put things right a second time around. And the things I learned will definitely carry through to future workouts. I’ve emerged stronger. So, I guess it all worked out well in the end.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

A little (real) Solitude every day

September 23, 2021

I would class myself as an introvert, so I get my fair share of solitude every day. Well, at least I used to think so. Now, I’m not so sure.

Here is the definition of solitude:

Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e. lack of contact with people.

Let’s look at what I consider to be my own solitude. It’s usually early mornings, walking, running, biking, exercising, my day off (I work a four day week), a planned activity by myself etc. As I think about those more, there’s usually a main activity going on with something else in the background – some type of distraction (podcast, music, phone etc.)

Is that really solitude? I guess it depends on how you think about solitude. If it’s just being by myself with a lack of contact with people, I guess it ticks the box. But, I also like to think about solitude as a time to rest and think. When I’m doing at least one thing, there’s not alot of resting and thinking going on.

So, I’m going to change how I think about solitude. Yes, it’s about being alone with myself. But, it’s also about creating space to think, rest and be alone with my own thoughts. Facing the discomfort that comes with being with yourself – even bored. It makes me think of one of my favourite books, Daily Rituals. It’s not a coincidence that some of the most successful artists had a daily routine that created space for thinking and resting.

I’m going to make a big effort to get some (real) solitude every day. Earlier, I went on a long dog walk and left my phone at home. I felt good. I had feelings of freedom, simple and uncluttered, which was nice. I look forward to more of that.

P.S Again, I’m reminded about the power of writing. This post was mostly going to be about how important solitude was and that I get a fair amount of it. But then I started to think more deeply about what solitude was. That’s when ‘resting and thinking’ came to me. And I realised, wow, I’m spending a lot of time alone, but it’s not really solitude. If I hadn’t decided to sit down and write about it, I probably wouldn’t have had that shift.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

Why I write

September 22, 2021

I’ve been writing more recently and I was quickly reminded how important it is.

Writing forces you to properly organise your thoughts around a topic. You have to think more deeply and broadly about things – and that often results in new ideas and more clarity.

I absolutely love this quote from Paul Graham which sums it up perfectly:

Expect 80% of the ideas in an essay to happen after you start writing it, and 50% of those you start with to be wrong

Take my last post on risk as an example. I started off just trying to explain how I was going to take more risk with my investments and re-allocate some funds. As I got into it, I became more comfortable with the idea – especially when I thought about it as a percentage of net worth. And then, as I started to think more about actually doing it, I realised dollar averaging was a good way to do it. These ideas came to me as part of the process of writing it out.

Being able to communicate your ideas well in writing is more important than most people think. And like anything, practice makes perfect – and that’s why I am writing more.


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Filed Under: Personal Improvement

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