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We have lots of things in our lives, that it’s worth finding the right line for.

A few examples are alcohol, social media, caffeine, sugar, Netflix, screen time etc. The list goes on.

I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff like this. I’m ultimately trying to get to what the right level of consumption is for me.

On one hand, most of these types of things bring pleasure in the moment, and they do add value to our lives. But, it’s very, very easy to over-indulge. And when we do, it ends up doing the exact opposite of bringing pleasure and value (the pleasure wears off and it has negative consequences).

The trick is in finding the right line. That’s the place where we can still experience things that bring pleasure, but without the negative consequences. Or, at least if there are some minimal negative consequences, it’s easily worth the trade off.

Over time, I’ve settled on a three step process for how to find the right line for these types of things. I wanted to share it, aswell as a recent example from my own life.

Here’s a 3 step process for finding the right line:

Step 1. Self awareness

As usual, it starts with self awareness. Without self awareness, we tend to passively drift into things, or just fit in with the norm.

Instead, it’s worth sitting down and spending some time thinking about what you’re trying to work out the right line for.

• Why do you do it?
• Does it actually bring you value? (be brutally honest with yourself)
• How much time do you do it (be brutally, brutally honest with yourself)
• Can you experience it in different ways, which influence the value and pleasure you get from it?

Social media is a good example. I’m convinced most people use social media because everyone else does. People feel they will miss out if they aren’t using it. It’s rarely used intentionally.

Instead, people jump blindly into things like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They loosely follow / become friends with anyone. And before you know it, you’re spending hours every day scrolling through a feed that adds very little value to your life. It ends up becoming a form of distraction, and an addictive habit.

So, it’s really important to take a step back and think deeply about what you’re trying to find the right line for. This will be useful when it comes to making a decision for where the right line is.

Note: If you’re interested to see how I found the right line for social media, check out – Social media: The one thing I did, which finally got it under control.

Step 2. Do a Reset

This step is critical and essential. You’ll be tempted to skip it, but don’t.

It’s hard to work out the right line for something, if you don’t experience what it’s like to go without it (and how good it feels to go without it).

Often, it’s surprising just how good you feel without it. And that becomes a huge part in the decision for where to set the line for it.

I find that 14 days is the minimum period to eliminate something from your life – 30 days is even better.

Let’s not beat around the bush – it’s super hard to go cold turkey. If you drink multiple cups of coffee a day, it’s a big jump to cut it out entirely. If you eat a lot of crappy foods, it’s going to be hard to just stop. If you drink wine every night, the evenings are going to feel long without it. The first few days are always the worst.

There’s not much else to say – you just have to do it. You have to ride it out. After a few days, it does gets easier. Then, around the 7 day mark, you will start to get a feel for what it truly feels to not have it in your life. That’s why I think 14 days is the minimum period to go through a reset. It allows for 7 days of getting used to things, and then another 7 days to truly experience what it feels like to be without it.

Step 3. Decide the line

You now have to set some very clear rules / boundaries for how you will bring this ‘something’ back into your life.

DO NOT make this decision after the rest period is over. If you do this, you risk ending the reset without a plan. This is super dangerous. The likelihood is that you’ll just slip back to how you were before.

Make the decision on the last couple of days of the reset. This allows you to prepare for a smoother transition to the line you want.

Where the line is, is totally up to you. It goes back to being self aware of why you want it in your life, the pleasure it brings, and the negative consequences of over-consumption. Reflect on this.

The only thing I will say is that there’s usually no middle ground (phew, I finally got to the title of this post!). In my experience, the right line is usually closer to elimination.

For example, let’s say you drink 5+ cups of coffee a day. The right line will probably look more like one cup of coffee – before noon (not 3 cups, whenever you like). In some cases, it might even be right to eliminate it forever.

Here’s a recent example:

As I headed into 2019, there were a few things that I wanted to figure out the right line for.

The first was alcohol. I wouldn’t say I drink a lot, but I do find it easy to slip into over-consumption. A few too many consecutive nights of a few glasses of red wine. Or, the odd night out night out where I drink too much.

The second was eating a paleo diet. Recently, I’ve been hitting 70/30 consistency at best, and sometimes even treading closer to the middle ground (50 / 50). I’ve also had a few consecutive days of getting completely off track.

Lastly, I drink over 5 cups of tea at any time of the day – sometimes as much as 10 cups (hey, at least I’m in good company!). Until recently, it didn’t quite click that it’s a lot of caffeine to consume on a regular basis.

So, after some thinking about it (step one), I went into the new year committing to the following reset (step two):

• No alcohol
• Strict paleo eating (no wheat, dairy, legumes, sweeteners, chocolate, soft drinks or any processed foods)
• 1 cup of caffeine per day – before noon

It’s been hard. Mostly, because I didn’t take the advice I often give and tried to change more than one thing at the same time (don’t do this!). Limiting caffeine was probably the hardest (I really do like my cups of tea 😉 ).

I ended the challenge this weekend just gone. I had originally decided to go the whole of January, but I found eliminating multiple things pretty tough. I came to the conclusion that I’d reached the period where I truly felt what it was like to eliminate these things from my life. I felt like I was in a good position to decide the right line, and then stick to it.

Whilst it was tough, I am 8 lbs lighter. I feel clearer headed. I have less bloat. I’ve been sleeping better. I’ve saved money (from less eating out and buying wine). And I’ll tell you what, I put love and care into making that one cup of tea a day – and I take my time drinking it! I definitely want to keep these benefits.

So, on the last couple of days of the rest period, I decided where I wanted to draw the line for these three things (step three). I set myself some clear rules and boundaries. I’m confident they will allow me to experience these things and get plenty of pleasure and value from them. But, also mitigate any of the potential negative side effects.

My line is:

Mon – Fri:

• Strict paleo eating (no wheat, dairy, legumes, sweeteners, chocolate, soft drinks or any processed foods)
• Time restricted eating. Eat between 12PM – 8PM (8 hours) and fast between 8PM – 12PM (16 hours).
• 1 caffeine drink per day (before noon)
• No alcohol (until 6PM on Fri)

Weekend:

• 1 caffeine drink per day (before noon)
• No alcohol (Sunday)
• Ease up on strict paleo and time restricted eating (12PM – 8PM). But, still make fairly sensible choices (avoid going overboard and pigging out).

Overall, this is probably 80 / 20, or maybe even closer to 90 / 10. I will have a very strict week, but then relax up a bit over the weekend (with some sensible constraints).

This feels like exactly the right line for me. Maximum benefits, with minimum potential negative side effects. And, importantly, I know it’s something I can be happy with and consistently stick to.

P.S – I’m finding my focus shifting away from books, and towards podcasts and video recently. It’s been heading that way for a while. Expect a post with my thoughts on that soon.

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I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I haven’t made any for the last few years, and I failed to keep most of the ones I made before that.

Instead, I prefer to be thinking about this stuff in a different, and ongoing way (more about that at the end of this post).

That said, there is something about one year coming to a close, and another starting. It feels like a good time to take stock of where you’re at. 

I’ve been doing that for the last couple of days, and wanted to share the process I’ve been going through.

First of all, credit where it’s due. I stole most of the format from James Clear’s annual review. However, I did add in a fourth question, and I have some further tips for how to go about it.

I’ve tried to answer these four questions for 2018:

1. What went well?
2. What didn’t go so well?
3. What did I learn?
4. What are some high level focuses for 2019?

Because I think about this stuff quite a lot throughout the year, it was easy for me to do this. If you don’t, something like this might take a few hours, over a few sessions to complete. But, it’s well worth it.

In the first session, I jotted down ideas in a notepad. I started by writing down the big areas that bubbled up to me with each question. Immediately after, I expanded on each one with further thoughts.

What went well and didn’t go so well – some examples:

For each of the first two questions (What went well and what didn’t go so well?), I settled on a handful of things.

One of the big areas that went well for me in 2018, was my health. I’ve settled into an eating pattern that works really well for me (paleo + intermittent fasting ~ 80% of the time). I’m able to stick to it pretty consistently. I’m being much smarter about my training and enjoying it more (a lot of that is down to this guy). I’ve been able to easily keep my weight around 80 KG’s (175 lbs). My motivation has been in a pretty good place throughout the year too. This is mostly because I’ve shifted to a focus of well being and health, instead of specific fitness goals. In general, I’m in a great position to build from where I am, and make great progress in 2019.

Another example of one of the big areas that didn’t go so well for me in 2018, was adventure. My default mode is to be a creature of habit and avoid new things. I rarely get out of my comfort zone. I really wanted to change that, so I can live a fuller life.

I had some good ideas for how to go about it:

• Commit and put things in the calendar
• Get around more adventurous people
• Come up with one small thing per week that will push me out of my comfort zone

I did have a few flashes of adventurous activities. But. for the most part I didn’t make much traction with it. It’s definitely something I want to do better at in 2019.

What did I learn? – some examples:

This question can take a bit more time. I started by looking at my answers to the first two questions. Did I learn anything significant from them? That got me a few ideas.

Then I looked back on the things I wrote about this year, which got me a few more. And then I just spend some time pondering the year, and a few other things jumped out at me.

As with the first two questions, I spent a bit of time fleshing each one out.

An example of something I learned was that I don’t need social media. It was a massive thing to finally realise. I now restrict it one session per week, lasting about an hour. I mostly consume, and rarely post (only if I have something strong to say, or to share something I wrote).

I just don’t need it. I don’t miss using it every day. I got back a whole load of time and it made me feel so much better. I should have done it ages ago.

Another example of something I learnt, was how important it is to be happy with the small things.

I’m an ambitious person and I expect a lot of myself. I jump quickly to thinking a few steps ahead. It’s super easy for me to get caught up thinking about the future, or how to be better at stuff.

It takes a hell of a lot of self awareness for me to notice when that’s happening. But when I do, I can slow things down and enjoy what’s in front of me. Going swimming with my daughter Fearne. Date night with Ella. A glass of wine with a friend. A great workout. A walk with the dogs.

Whilst some of these may be little, they are actually the most important things. It’s where happiness comes from. They ARE the big things.

What are some high level focuses or thoughts for 2019? – some examples:

Again, it’s useful to look back at some of the previous answers for clues about what you may want to focus on next year.

One of the big things for me, was my relationship with technology. I know I think and do more about this than most people. But, I think there’s still a huge amount of value in doing more. I want to build better habits around using do not disturb and leaving my phone in another room whilst I work. I want to leave my phone at home more often when I go out. I want to do regular digital sabbaths. And I want to switch my phone off more when I’m with my Fearne.

Another example for something I want to focus on in 2019 is our house. We moved into it a year ago, and it needs modernising. It’s been slow going preparing the plans and getting our ideas straight for what we want to do. But, we’re finally in a position to start getting stuff done and I want to make a big dent in things next year.

How to go about the process of Yearly Planning:

Here are a few things I’ve found useful when going through the process:

• Find a quiet space, where you won’t be interrupted.
• Write out the answers to the questions (I used google docs). The process of writing will help you think deeper about each one.
• Don’t overthink it. There’s no right or wrong answers – just let your ideas flow. Remember, most of the value is in actually spending the time to reflect and look forward. Ultimately it’s to build self awareness. So, don’t stress over the exact answers or words.
• It’s probably best to do it over a few sessions. Personally, I spent 2 hours, over 3 sessions. Start with a brainstorm for each question. Then take a break. Come back to it with a fresh set of eyes a couple of times, and tighten everything up.

A different way to think about this stuff

As I said at the beginning of this post, I don’t set New Year’s resolutions. I also don’t have specific goals.

Instead, I’m very in tune with the type of person I want to be (i.e values). I know the broad direction I want to push in (a handful of short term focuses). I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about these things, and I take time each week to connect with them.

I have a very specific process for planning my weeks and days to make good progress on what’s important to me. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep moving forward. One week, and one day at a time. It’s working. I’m getting more done and am so much happier.

If you want to find out more about my ideas, these two posts are a good place to start:

• The power of broad focuses
• How to deal with long-term goal setting overwhelm and frustration

I’ve been working on pulling together my ideas and approach into a coaching course. It’s slow going, but it’s also one of my focuses in 2019!

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