Before I get into the one ingredient you need to start becoming the best version of yourself, I want to start with a question.
Are you a better version of yourself, compared to six months ago?
I want you to really reflect on this question – properly think about it.
Look back 6 months ago? How do you feel about yourself now, compared to then?
Are you stronger?
Are you fitter?
Are you more confident?
Are you wealthier?
Are you further in your career, or can you point to something impressive that you achieved?
Have you educated yourself and learned new things?
Have you got better at a skill?
Are you a better parent or spouse?
Have you built a stronger network of friends and people around you?
I’m not saying you need to answer yes to all of these questions.
But, when you ask yourself if you are a better version of yourself compared to six months ago – a few things should definitely jump right out at you. Your instinct should be one of conviction. Yes, I’m a better version of myself than six months ago, because of X and Y.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if most people are really honest with themselves, they can’t look themselves in the eye and confidently say YES – I am a stronger, better and more capable version of myself vs. 6 months ago.
If you find yourself in this position, I hope I can get you moving in the right direction.
So, what causes us to get stuck and not make big improvements to ourselves?
If you want to become a better version of yourself – it requires making a lot of small sacrifices every day. You have to push through friction. You’ll need to experience some type of discomfort. Perhaps put fear to one side. You might even need to endure some pain.
It’s essentially a game of delayed gratification. In fact, that’s the best litmus test I can think of.
Are you regularly delaying, or deferring short-term gratification? Are you regularly resisting the temptation of an immediate pleasure, so that you can get a much larger, more valuable and long lasting reward in the long-term?
Most people don’t want to do that. And I get it. I meant, instinctively, I would rather have pleasure than discomfort.
But, there’s really no way around it. That’s what you need to do if you’re going to move yourself forward and become a better version of yourself. You have to be able to defer short-term pleasure, and embrace some discomfort – multiple times a day.
So, now think about your own life and days. Can you start to see how many choices there are like this?
Take my day yesterday for example:
- I had a plan for a six mile run at lunch. Every bone in my body wanted to stay inside, keep warm and avoid the discomfort of getting changed into my running gear. I didn’t want to step outside in the cold and wind, and then run for one hour. But, I observed those feelings, and then did the run anyway.
- As it got into the afternoon, I really felt like having an espresso. However, one of my foundational health habits is to only have two espressos, and not after midday. Based on my consistency so far this month, the right decision was to stick to the rules today. So, I pushed it out of my mind and just got on with things.
- I had to sit down and write out the script for what you’re reading right now. Getting the first version of what I want to say on paper is always the hardest bit. I could literally feel the resistance rise up as I thought about it. There was so much temptation to push it to tomorrow.. But, no. I forced myself to sit down with a blank page, and get started.
- I had a few tough conversations ahead of me at work. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to push these to tomorrow – or even next week. But, there was no good reason to do that. I was just trying to find a way to avoid the discomfort now. The right thing for me, others and the company I work for, was to have these conversations today and move things forward. So that’s exactly what I did.
- I am listening to a podcast series on sleep at the moment. The first two episodes are a combined six hours. Even though it’s proving to be super informative, I was tempted to just find something easier to do. But, I know this is going to educate me, and be super valuable to strengthen my conviction for getting better sleep. So, I forced myself to sit down with it, and listen for an hour.
Most of my days go like that. They are filled with these types of discomfort and decisions. And I can either choose to push through and do these things, or take the comfortable option and not.
Now, you might say that doesn’t sound like a nice life? What’s the fun in that? Surely it’s nice to just relax and be comfortable sometimes?
And I 100% agree.
Do I always make the decision to choose discomfort over pleasure? Absolutely not.
I sometimes skip a workout I should do. I sometimes eat the cake I know I shouldn’t. I sometimes skip the conversation I know I should have. I’m only human.
And actually sometimes, I strategically choose pleasure over discomfort. I’m a big fan of 80/20. Be on 80% of the time – let loose 20% of the time. I’ve found this to be the best way to get virtually all of the results, and still enjoy life and be sane. It’s why my consistency goal for all of my habits (other than alcohol) is 80%.
Perfection really isn’t the goal. In fact, it’s the enemy.
But, on balance, nowadays, I usually do the right thing 80-90% of the time. Most of the time, I choose to avoid the comfortable option, and instead take the option that will help me grow and will move me forward.
That’s because of the conviction I have that it will make me a stronger, more capable, and happier person over the long-term.
And, trust me – becoming a much better and stronger version of yourself over a longer time frame is 100X worth the smaller sacrifices you have to make every day and week. It’s not even close.
Just to be able to genuinely answer that question I asked at the beginning of the episode with a confident yes – it’s an incredible feeling.
OK. I’ve been leaving you hanging on the big question – how can you make yourself do these things every day? Just knowing you should do them, isn’t enough.
What is the one ingredient?
The answer isn’t will power. It’s not motivation. It’s not a secret hack.
The one ingredient you need is DISCIPLINE.
You have to be able to find a way to do these things, no matter how you are feeling. Actually, you have to do these things when you don’t feel like it.
Remember my example day above? The previous version of myself would not have a day like this. I wasn’t capable of it. I would have procrastinated or chosen the easiest option on at least half of those things.
But, back then I was a shadow of my current self. I was soft and weak.
If you find yourself in a similar position, you are going to have to build the type of person who WILL do these things – regardless of how you feel. You need to become someone who is disciplined. You have to build that base level capability, or nothing will be sustainable.
You can absolutely do that. You CAN go from undisciplined, to disciplined.
How did I do it? I had to rebuild myself. And surprise, surprise, that’s where the seven foundational health habits come in.
I had to become someone who was well slept. Because when I was well slept, I put myself into the strongest position to be capable, and make the right choices when it came to the crunch.
I had to give up alcohol. And that’s because of the undeniable way alcohol causes havoc to my sleep and so many other parts of my life. Just a few drinks the night before has a big impact on how disciplined I am the next day.
I had to limit my caffeine, both in quantity and also never consuming it in the afternoon. Again, because it gets in the way of a good night’s sleep.
I had to become someone who was well hydrated. It helps me be sharp, avoid headaches, be in a better mood and be more capable throughout the day.
I had to eat enough protein. So I can put myself in the best position to build muscle and strength – and in turn, confidence.
I had to eat mostly whole foods. So I can be lean, have the right energy and sharpness to move through the day in the right way. A bloated and tired version of myself is not going to perform well.
And I had to walk a lot. It helps me keep active and burn more calories. It gives me space to think and gets me out in the fresh air.
It was almost as if I had to re-install a completely different operating system for myself.
And you can do that too.
So, if you are struggling to be disciplined, I would suggest that for the time being, forget about all of the things you know you should do. There’ll be time for all of that detail later – when you’re a strong, capable and disciplined person.
Right now, you’re probably not that person. So, instead, focus on building that person.
Focus on building the seven foundational health habits I talk so much about.
If you can build these foundational health habits into your life, you will build that base of the pyramid I like to talk about.
You will become a disciplined and confident person. You will become the sort of person who WILL make the right choices and WILL do the right things every day. You will find it relatively easy to delay short-term gratification, for a bigger reward in the long-term.
You’ll be able to confidently answer yes to my question at the start of this – are you building the best version of yourself? Are you a better version of yourself than six months ago?
If you want a bit more detail on how to get started, I’d encourage you to check out 5 rules to build rock solid habits. That will give you a good nudge in the right direction.
And if you need any help making a change, you know where I am. Just reach out.
Get my ideas straight to your inbox. Sign up for my newsletter below: